So I am reaching the end of my limits. I am honestly not sure how much more crap I can take before I completely lose my mind. And no this isn't just a vent....I honestly feel like I am within inches of needing serious medical help. It just seems like one thing after another has happened for the last year. First brads back and ethan's illness, then the bankruptcy, then Brad's on and off again work, then having to move out of our home, give up our pets and move in with family, then move into my sisters basement.
So here we are living in my sister's basement. And don't get me wrong, I am extremely thankful for a place to live and the relationship I have with my sister but we need our own place.
We have put in an application for an apartment but not sure we will get it because of the bankruptcy. That was a huge blow for us. We didn't even think about it until the question on the application came up. So we have been talking to the company and had to submit a letter explaining why we filed. So they accepted the letter and went forward with the screening but we are still unsure of whether or not we will get the apartment. We really want the apartment. It's actually a duplex and it's two bedrooms and the rent is less than $600 so it's perfect. So please pray that this works out. I am tired of stressing about living conditions.
We need our own place so we can get a routine going. I haven't done any preschool stuff with either boy in a long time because I have been having such a hard time dealing with everything that I just don't have the energy. I want to get back to going to bed at a regular time and getting up fairly early so that I could actually spend some time each day doing preschool stuff and enjoying my kids. I want to be able to feel like I have accomplished the things I want and still having some quiet time to myself. We just really need our own space not only for the boys benefit but for my sanity.
So PLEASE pray that we get accepted for one of the duplexes.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
That time of year again....
So tomorrow is one of the days I dread every year. Although it is a happy day it is also a day that fills my heart with so much pain it seams unbearable. Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. He would have been 66yrs young. =)
So if you could please take a moment and pray that he has a wonderful birthday in heaven. And pray that my family and i can find the strength to celebrate his life rather than mourn it.
I miss him so much all year long but especially on his birthday and his death anniversary. I go through all the emotions on those days. I am sad because i miss him, angry because he had to go, happy to have had him as long as I did, sad that my children didn't get to know him, excited for the day when we all get to be together.....and so on.....
Please pray for me that I can spend more time smiling tomorrow and sharing happy memories and less time crying and mourning.
In memory of a wonderful husband, son, brother, friend, grandpa and most of all the best dad in the world.
Happy Birthday Daddy.
I love you and miss you with all my heart.
Love Wienerie (once again it was a childhood nickname, don't remember how I got it, hated it growing up but would now give most anything to hear my dad call me that again.)
So if you could please take a moment and pray that he has a wonderful birthday in heaven. And pray that my family and i can find the strength to celebrate his life rather than mourn it.
I miss him so much all year long but especially on his birthday and his death anniversary. I go through all the emotions on those days. I am sad because i miss him, angry because he had to go, happy to have had him as long as I did, sad that my children didn't get to know him, excited for the day when we all get to be together.....and so on.....
Please pray for me that I can spend more time smiling tomorrow and sharing happy memories and less time crying and mourning.
In memory of a wonderful husband, son, brother, friend, grandpa and most of all the best dad in the world.
Happy Birthday Daddy.
I love you and miss you with all my heart.
Love Wienerie (once again it was a childhood nickname, don't remember how I got it, hated it growing up but would now give most anything to hear my dad call me that again.)
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Church
So I went to church today for the first time in like almost a year I think. It felt so good and I had to hold back tears (not sure why I wanted to cry but I kept it together) for most of the service. I prayed a lot that God would help bring me back to where I was in my faith when I chose to get baptized and that he would work with me and in me to know him better. I also prayed that he would help me get Cameron into going to the children's service. I want Cameron to know God and to learn about him. So please pray for Cameron and I that we can find our way back to God.
When I got home I was talking to Brad about how it felt good to go and he almost made me bawl. He got somewhat teary and said that he didn't like being home without me and that he wishes he had had time to shave so that he could have joined me. Which if you know us you know that Brad doesn't really enjoy church and he would rather have a relationship with God through thoughts and prayers at home then going to church. But to hear him say he wanted to join me made me feel so awesome.
I am very torn though with the church I attend. Last year when I quit going to church it was because I was very saddened and hurt by someone from the church. The pastor in fact. I had reached out to the church when Brad hurt his back so bad and Ethan had just been released from his hospital stay and we were so scared that the ITP would come back. And we knew that we would be filing bankruptcy soon. So I reached out for help and prayer. And the response from the elders were phenominal and they at one point pulled me into the office and prayed for us. Which all of that was amazing and I felt so blessed. But due to some things that were said and done after that I came to feel very hurt and saddened. And since then I have just avoided church and in a way kinda lost my way. I have been feeling very lonely/empty lately especially with our current living situation and no end to it in sight and not going to church so I finally decided that while I can't change our living situation for financial situation, I can change my church situation so I went to church. And although i am not ready to confront Pastor, I am praying that God will help me to forgive and move forward with my relationship with God and the church. I did kinda sneek out of church today before anyone could talk to me but then again, no one was chasing me down to talk to anyway. LOL
But like I said at the beginning, it felt good to be back at church and i am glad I went. I hope and will continue to pray that God will help me to get back into a routine of regularly going and hopefully be able to talk Cameron in to going too. Anyway now that I have bored everyone with my babbling I am going to go spend some time with Brad and the boys before I have to go to work for a couple hours. I hope that everyone's week goes well and that God will bless each of you. And while I most likely will not be going to church next sunday since it's Brad's 30th birthday I do plan on going the following sunday.
P.S. Denaye, do you know if they are doing a women's retreat this year? I really enjoyed the one i attended and would love to go again. SO please let me know if you know anything. Thank you.
When I got home I was talking to Brad about how it felt good to go and he almost made me bawl. He got somewhat teary and said that he didn't like being home without me and that he wishes he had had time to shave so that he could have joined me. Which if you know us you know that Brad doesn't really enjoy church and he would rather have a relationship with God through thoughts and prayers at home then going to church. But to hear him say he wanted to join me made me feel so awesome.
I am very torn though with the church I attend. Last year when I quit going to church it was because I was very saddened and hurt by someone from the church. The pastor in fact. I had reached out to the church when Brad hurt his back so bad and Ethan had just been released from his hospital stay and we were so scared that the ITP would come back. And we knew that we would be filing bankruptcy soon. So I reached out for help and prayer. And the response from the elders were phenominal and they at one point pulled me into the office and prayed for us. Which all of that was amazing and I felt so blessed. But due to some things that were said and done after that I came to feel very hurt and saddened. And since then I have just avoided church and in a way kinda lost my way. I have been feeling very lonely/empty lately especially with our current living situation and no end to it in sight and not going to church so I finally decided that while I can't change our living situation for financial situation, I can change my church situation so I went to church. And although i am not ready to confront Pastor, I am praying that God will help me to forgive and move forward with my relationship with God and the church. I did kinda sneek out of church today before anyone could talk to me but then again, no one was chasing me down to talk to anyway. LOL
But like I said at the beginning, it felt good to be back at church and i am glad I went. I hope and will continue to pray that God will help me to get back into a routine of regularly going and hopefully be able to talk Cameron in to going too. Anyway now that I have bored everyone with my babbling I am going to go spend some time with Brad and the boys before I have to go to work for a couple hours. I hope that everyone's week goes well and that God will bless each of you. And while I most likely will not be going to church next sunday since it's Brad's 30th birthday I do plan on going the following sunday.
P.S. Denaye, do you know if they are doing a women's retreat this year? I really enjoyed the one i attended and would love to go again. SO please let me know if you know anything. Thank you.
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