e it and now I would give almost anything I have to hear him say it again.) Everyday I miss him but this day every year I replay in my mind that day 9 years ago when Brad, Mom and I spent all day at his side while he struggled to keep breathing. He was at Cashmere Convalescent Center and we had been there since about 7am and I was exhausted. . Daddy's status hadn't changed all day so Brad took me home so I could take a nap and then we would go back out there. We got home and I got laid down and the phone rang. Brad answered talked for a minute and hung up. He told me we needed to get back there that Daddy was getting worse. As we drove out there Brad said something to me that I will never forget and will thank him forever for saying it to me....he said "I want you to know that if your dad passes before we get back there that he did it on purpose. He didn't want you to be there when he died." At the time it just made me cry but it now gives me peace in my decision to go home and take a nap because by the time we got there daddy had taken his last breath and took God's hand. At the time I was so angry with myself that I wasn't there
and felt so selfish for going home to take a nap. I realize now that daddy held on all day because I was there and before I left I told him it was okay for him to go now and he waited till I was away to take God's hand and exhale his final mortal breath. I don't know why he waited and I won't until I meet him in heaven but I just have to believe that is the way he wanted it. I miss my dad so much and get so angry that my children never got the chance to meet him and know him and I don't know why and may never know why. I try to keep believing that this is all part of a grander plan but dang it it hurts and there is times when anger is so much easier to deal with than heartache. I am blessed that Brad got to know him even those few months before daddy went into the hospital and our lives changed forever. I am blessed that my husband wants me to share my memories and my heartache and not be afraid to cry when i miss him so bad I feel like my heart is going to explode from pain. I am so thankful for my children who when i cried today told me it was okay and that they loved me "sooo much". I still don't know for sure how I will make it each day without my dad but I know I will figure it out and just have to keep waiting till that glorious day when i get to see him again. I love that Diamond Rio song One more day...
Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished for one more day with you--
One more day, one more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again, I know what it would do
Leave me wishin' still for one more day with you--
One more day
First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl
I'd unplug the telephone
Keep the tv off
I'd hold you every second
And say a million "I love you's"
That's what I'd do with one more day with you--
One more day, one more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again, I know what it would do
Leave me wishin' still for one more day
Leave me wishin' still for one more day
Leave me wishin' still for one more day
With you--
I miss my dad so much and yet I don't wish for one more day for that very reason. It would leave me wishing for one more day. So for now I just have to bide my time on earth until I see him again in heaven. How fitting that today is raining though. I immediately thought of the song There are holes in the floor of Heaven by Steve Wariner. Anyway enough with my sad story. Today is another day for me to spend with my kids and no sense spending it crying.
